​“Of the paths you take in life, make sure some of them are dirt.” ~ David Muir
From a very young age I found myself drawn to nature. The Adventures of the Wilderness Family was one of my favorite movies when I was a young girl of five. After seeing it, I dreamed of living just like they did—off the land. Of course, at that age, I didn't really understand what that meant. I would spend hours outdoors, recreating scenes from the movie. I truly believe that’s when I discovered my passion for being in nature. Growing up, I spent most of my days outdoors from sunrise to sunset. My neighborhood was filled with opportunities to explore and play in nature. I spent many days walking the creek with my friends, detailing the story of the Lady in White that had been passed down from the older kids in the hood. We would walk for what seemed like miles getting lost in the tall pines, when in reality, we were always in earshot of our parents’ call. We constructed elaborate forts and even got run off by a crazy old guy that said we were trespassing. My first extended time away from home was Girl Scout camp. At first, I was homesick, but by the middle of the week, I couldn’t get enough of being in what seemed like the middle of nowhere, sleeping in a canvas tent, and hiking endlessly.  These experiences are forever etched in my memory. Even sounds and smells take me back to those moments. Smellmories I call them. The earthy, sweet aroma of cottonwoods in the spring, or the gentle trickle of a creek, immediately transport me back to the age of 9.
As a young mom, I wanted my boys to experience the same magic. We spent many days exploring parks and even took up Geocaching when they were in grade school. Those times with my boys, wandering endlessly looking for hidden treasures and even getting lost in the woods are some of my best memories as a mom. As they got older, we had sling shot contests and paintball battles in the woods. They loved to tease me and make fun of my “abilities”, but I didn’t care, we had a blast! And I cannot wait to have similar adventures with my grandson one day soon.
The little nature explorer is now in her 50s and still exploring. Recently, as I hiked in Arkansas, I recalled those childhood memories, and how important being in nature was to me. I realized in that moment that nature is where I feel whole and most myself. It no longer brings up desires of wanting to live in a cabin off the land; instead, it strips me down to my truest essence. Every time I experience a new trail, it opens a doorway of healing for me. Nature is so true, no matter what it endures, there are lessons in resilience, growth and healing. And when hitting the trail, I experience a mixture of excitement and uncertainty, just as when embarking on a healing journey. Uncertainty, but also hope. Recognizing the need for change and growth, even though the path ahead is unknown. The trails I conquer signify the journey, with their varied terrains and obstacles. The hike itself mirrors the process of inner growth. The effort and persistence required to move forward on the path are akin to the perseverance necessary for healing, which can be just as tiring. Each step forward, no matter how small, signifies progress. Hiking often brings a sense of mindfulness as I focus on my surroundings, my breath and each step I take. Similarly, healing involves becoming more aware of my thoughts, emotions and actions. Staying present in the moment and appreciating even the smallest victory along the way is crucial. Reaching the summit through challenges and hardships leads me to the ultimate destination: the self.
Nature slows my thoughts, leading to moments of realization that might not have happened elsewhere. Even though I am physically challenging myself, my mind focuses more on being present and at one with my surroundings. Reaching the end of the hike, I feel physically tired but mentally rejuvenated, with a sense of accomplishment and clarity. In the same way, growth brings wisdom, strength, and peace.
My love for hiking and my journey of healing and growth will be forever. Each hike represents a new challenge, just as each phase of life brings new opportunities for the things that truly matter to me. Returning to the place where I am truly me, the little nature explorer. Every time I am in nature, something gets stripped away and I am made whole again. And when I reach the end of this life’s journey, I hope that I have the magic inside me that calls me back to nature from where I come. 

BOOGER, BOOGER, FART, FART, DOS!
Original post September 2016
Being a Mom of two boys is the most challenging, rewarding and FUN role I play in life.
My boys, Zack 24 and Jessy 20 (in 2016), have kept me on my toes and laughing since they were born. First let me preface, that I am the oldest of 3 girls. So when it came to boy babies, I had no idea what to expect. Other than a “boy” baby doll that came out in 1976, I had never seen a baby boy winkie before.  The first thing the nurses tell you when you change your baby boy is to always have a cloth ready for cover. This is true!
By the time I was 25 I had two boys, one four-year-old and a new born. It took Zack a bit adjustment to being a big brother, but he fit the role very well. By the time the Jessy turned 2, they were inseparable. Doing boy stuff and making me laugh out loud every day!
It was always the oldest who was putting the youngest up to the task of “asking Mom”. I could hear them from the other room… “Go ask Mom if we can have a snack.” “Go ask Mom if we can do this or that…” I loved to sit just outside the family room on the stairs and listen to them chat. Usually what they were talking about made no sense whatsoever, but they were having their own little boy conversations.
For as long as I can remember, bodily functions were funny in our house. If the ketchup bottle made a fart noise, they would laugh for what seemed like hours! Even to this day at 24 and 20, that noise brings out a chuckle and then a whole conversation ensues about farts, boogers and DOS!
God knew what he was doing, when he gave me boys. I was a tomboy and boys need a Mom that can go all 9 innings. I was taught the art of cheese cupping, crop dusting, choke holds and chicken wings. Spit sucking and snot strings. Most of these are inside jokes, but you can imagine.
I learned early on how to give them space, but be in earshot to rush in when there was an attempt to do something dangerous, like sticking a body part in places they shouldn’t be. Also another inside joke, but hey were talking about boys here!
I was okay with letting them express themselves through fashion, and what seemed like years of living the alter ego of Spiderman, Batman, Darth Maul and Ninjas.  I had to refrain from laughing when both attempted to “shave” using my razor in the shower, many years before ever having an ounce of facial hair.
I tried very hard to suppress my nerves as I watched them attempt the high dive or walk on-top of the monkey bars, praying they wouldn’t fall and bite off their tongue. I held my breath as I watched them race go-karts and stock cars, wrestle, play football, soccer and run track. I am the Mom who remains completely subdued in the bleachers until they’re up! I watched as they hooked the skateboard up to the scooter and pulled each other down the hill in front of our house.
The older they got the funnier they became. Doing impressions and creating their own language to get away from Mom knowing what they were talking about. DOS became their word for shit! Using DOS anytime they wanted to convey frustration.
One time while traveling we stopped at a truck stop to take a bathroom break. The women’s bathroom was so awful I decided to hold it. As the boys made it back to the car they were rolling with laughter. Zack, in his best Scottish Fat Bastard voice said, “It smells like crap on a burning tire!” We still laugh today about it.
I watched as they made guns out of anything from cheese slices to sticks. I’ve paintballed with them and WON. And I’ve been shot by both in the booty with an airsoft gun. That was NOT funny, but they still love to tell the story!
I’ve had to watch the agony of Zack cutting weight for wrestling when there was no weight to cut, and build him up when he felt defeated because he was asked to do the impossible. I’ve watched Jessy take an oath to defend our country with pride and fear all at the same time.
God gave me boys for a reason…
From day one, becoming their Mom was an immediate test in, “Suck it UP and Just Do It”. There is no manual and no time for hesitation! These guys have made me strong with a slightly warped sense of humor. And they have taught me that my best self is the one that is my true-self. There is no covering up or popularity contest when it comes to the unconditional love between a Mom and her sons, minus a few eye rolls along the way.
I was chosen to be their Mom and I couldn’t be more honored. Watching them make their way and discovering themselves as men is the best feeling and sometimes the scariest. Now as we enter new chapters, our relationships evolve once again. I hold these memories near to my heart and I immediately smile and laugh and yes get a little choked up.  None of us know what will unfold, but I know that these boys fit me and I fit these boys. We have had so many adventures and will continue to have many, many more. My role as their Mom is to remind them to be themselves, PERIOD. Follow your heart and be a Simple Man~
Update: I wrote this original post in 2016. Since that time, much has happened in our lives. We have thrived through my divorce, two deployments, loss, heartache and sometimes, uncertainty. They have been my biggest strength and have encouraged me to live my best life! And now I am a grandma to our little guy Lawler, which is the most magical thing. Boy Mom & Boy Grandma! My sons are now living their lives and forging their path as men. My hope is that we will always laugh together and that they will always know they are the most important people in my life.
Booger, Booger, Fart, Fart, DOS!