The Human Need to Matter ~

The Human Need to Matter
One of the earliest human instincts we have as infants is to reach for connection. A newborn can grasp a parent’s finger immediately after birth. It is involuntary yet an instinctual survival response, ingrained in each of us.
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​Of course, we cannot remember that feeling as infants, but if we are parents or grandparents, we have surely experienced this special moment.

This past week, I attended the Senior Market Sales “Sales Force Conference” in Omaha. While the event primarily focused on Medicare and serving the senior market, one keynote message stood out to me. 
It was about mattering.
The speaker, Zach Mercurio, shared his own story of his newborn son grasping his finger.  In those first moments of life, a baby reaches out, and someone reaches back. Long before we have words, we are learning something about ourselves and the world around us.
If I reach out for connection, will someone reach back?
As I listened, I found myself thinking about the journey I've been writing about in Untucked.
So many of us spend years tucking away pieces of ourselves in order to fit in, avoid criticism, or gain approval. We learn to become who others need us to be, and somewhere along the way, we lose sight of something essential:
We matter just as we are.
Not because of our titles, achievements, or social status.
We matter because we are here.
Unfortunately, according to Zach’s research, we are living in the midst of a "mattering deficit." Loneliness is rising. Engagement is declining. More people feel unseen, unheard, and disconnected. More than ever, we are questioning whether we truly matter.
When I reflect on my own journey and on times when I felt lonely, the deepest ache wasn't the absence of people. It was the feeling that my presence made little difference to the people around me.
Zach defines mattering as the fundamental human need to feel seen, heard, valued, and needed. He suggests that we experience mattering in three ways:
To be noticed.
To be affirmed.
To be needed.
Noticed. Affirmed. Needed.
Simple words. Life-changing experiences.

I began writing this reflection four days ago when I returned from the conference, intending to publish it on Sunday. The subject of mattering felt very Untucked to me, and I resonated deeply with what Zach shared.
And then something unexpected happened.
At church this morning, the reflection expanded.
We had a “fill-in” pastor today and she shared a sweet story about watching her six-year-old granddaughter play soccer. As anyone who has watched a group of young children play sports knows, there is often more enthusiasm than strategy. At one point, her granddaughter became confused about which goal was hers. She stopped, looked toward the stands, and found her father.
He simply nodded in the direction she needed to go.
Earlier, he had told her, "If you ever get confused, just look over at me, and I will guide you."
That stuck me deeply.
A newborn reaches for a parent's finger.
A little girl looks to her father for direction.
Both are seeking the same thing: connection. The comfort of knowing someone is there.
Perhaps that is why being noticed carries such power. It touches something ancient within us. Something that has been asking since our very first day on earth whether our presence matters to another person.
At the end of the service, our lead pastor closed in prayer, reminding us that when we feel confused, lost, or unseen, we can simply look up.
And suddenly, the keynote and the sermon felt connected.
The question is not only, "Who truly sees me?"
The deeper question is:
Who do I need to notice?
Who do I need to check in on?
Who do I need to remind that they matter?
In many ways, the journey of becoming untucked is the journey of remembering this truth. Beneath all the roles we play, the expectations we carry, and the parts of ourselves we have hidden away, there is a person who has always been worthy of being seen.
You matter!
J~

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