The Soundtrack of My Life ~

I was five years old, standing on the bench seat of my dad’s pickup truck, looking out the back window, when a song came on the radio.
I didn’t understand everything about life yet, but I understood the story and it made me cry.
That song was "Wildfire" by Michael Martin Murphey, and ever since, music has been the place where words have found me first.
I think of my life as a soundtrack. Certain songs relate to specific seasons of my life, but more often, a specific lyric speaks to me. A lyric that, when heard, travels deep to my soul and lives there forever.
This project has been on my mind for several years now. I thought it would be fun to highlight specific lyrics from songs that touch my soul. I decided to take it a step further and shape those lines into a poem; into a story.
I pulled out my collection of records, CDs, and downloads and started going through the songs, deciding which lyrics I would begin with. That turned out to be quite a task. There are so many songs that I love and so many lyrics that live in me.
For example, Prince and The Doors are two of my favorites, yet I didn’t include either. I could have easily chosen lyrics from their songs, but what I was really looking for were the lines that connect on a deeper level. The lyrics that hit me and stay, repeating in my mind like an earworm long after the song ends.
After weeks of combing my music library I landed on 75 songs and about 1,600 words and began organizing them into categories. In the end, I was left with 45 songs and 708 words shaped into a poem. Meant to be read out loud. 
The Soundtrack to My Life.
This project was deeply personal to me. While the lyrics may not make sense to you, I hope it inspires you to think about how certain words shape your own life, whether they are spoken to you or discovered in a song.
Words matter.
Choose them wisely.
 
The Soundtrack to My Life
The Questioning:
Life is a waterfall
We're one in the river
And one again after the fall.
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts.
I'm beyond repair, let me be
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal.
Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
And I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
What the hell am I doing here
I wanna be somewhere else
Normal and free, like I used to be
She looks just like me, but I don't recognize her
She's got the same eyes, but they're heavy and tired.
When did I start to forget
How did I start to believe
You weren't sufficient for me?

The Ache:
I'm not anything like I used to be
Although it's true
I still remember that girl
I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame
It doesn't mean I don't desire
To point the finger, blame the other
Birthright, I'm standing in silence
Holding on for dear life
Ignorant to my compliance
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I wrapped your love around me like a chain
 
The Turning:
There is a balance between two worlds
One with an arrow and one with a cross
Maybe my heart's trying to give me a hint
Maybe it's time I start listening in
One more time around (I might make it)
The day I tried to live
So when weakness turns my ego up
Bring me to life
I've been livin' a lie
Bittersweet summer rain
I'm born again
All my broken pieces

The Fight:
I am realizin'
That everybody's lost their simple ways
And now that it's here, I see it, oh, so clearly
I've come face to face with the enemy
I have had enough
Walk away before I finish what you started
Face to face, I will push you in your place
And yet I find, and yet I find
Repeating in my head
Fear, he is a liar
He will take your breath
God only knows what you've been through
But there's a kind of love that God only knows
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me that much wiser

The Becoming:
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Something that you don't see every day
A little girl who found her way
Through a world that's designed to break
All of your dreams
And I'm, coming back to who I am
Feelin' like a ten, the best I've ever been
Oh, there's a river that winds on forever
I'm gonna see where it leads
Oh, there's a mountain that no man has mounted
I'm gonna stand on the peak
There's so much I wanna say
So much I wanted you to know
When I finally make it home
I've still got joy in chaos
I've got peace that makes no sense
Love reign o'er me, rain on me, rain on me
When you're my age
You'll still be full of questions
But I bet love will still be making the world go round
And I have felt the pain of losing who you are
And I have died so many times, but I am still alive
This is not the end of me, this is the beginning
 
Freedom:
I’m not afraid
Everything is Holy Now
So why would I make a bed in my shame
When a fountain of grace is running my way
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
I just want to celebrate another day of life
Lift me up so high
That I cannot fall
Lift me up when I'm falling
Lift me up and keep me from drowning again
To hear my quiet voice, just be still and know
In every sacred silence I’m only a whisper away
A new song for me to sing
Tell the world how I feel inside
Even though it might cost me everything
 
Credits:
The preceding words are not my words. They come from the songs/artists listed in order:
The Questioning:
Aerial—System Of A Down
Be Okay—Ingrid Michaelson
Crawling—Linkin Park
Closer to Fine—Indigo Girls
Creep—RadioHead
Big White Room—Jessie J
Girl In the Mirror—Megan Moroney
More Than Able—Elavation Worship
The Ache:
She Used to Be Mine—Sarah Bareilles
Schism—Tool
Clouds—Jordan Rakei
Bother—Stone Sour
Cold—Crossfade (I used the acoustic version by Crispin Earl)
The Eye—Brandi Carlile
The Turning:
Cumbersome—Seven Mary Three
Bridges Burn—Paul Otten
The Day I Tried to Live—Soundgarden
Dig—Incubus
Bring Me to Life—Evanescence
Bittersweet—Lianne La Havas
The Fight:
The Enemy—Godsmack
Stand Up—Trapt
Nutshell—Alice In Chains
Fear Is A Liar—Zach Williams
God Only Knows—for King & Country
Fighter—Christina Aguilera
The Becoming:
Lose Yourself—Eminem
Broken—Seether (featuring Amy Lee)
Landslide—Fleetwood Mac
Free Me—Joss Stone
Coming Back—Mitch King
Sorry Not Sorry—Demi Lovato
Ends of the Earth—Lord Huron
Finally Home—MercyMe
Firm Foundation—Cody Carnes
Love, Reign O’er Me—The Who
When You’re My Age—Lori McKenna
I Believe—Christina Perri
Freedom:
Not Afraid—Eminem
Holy Now—Peter Mayer
Made for More—Josh Baldwin
I Just Want to Celebrate—Rare Earth
Flood—Jars of Clay
Lean Into Me—Stefan Mitchell
Alive—P.O.D.

---