The Space Between Aloneness and Belonging

As I reflect on this final Sunday Reflection for March, wrapping up our month of Sacred Belonging, I am prompted to explore moments when I feel…
alone.
Not lonely.
Just aware that nobody is beside me.
There is a strange in-between here.
between being alone and still desiring connection.
I’ve noticed what appears to be two ends of a spectrum: those who thrive on constant connection and those who feel most at home alone.
And somewhere in this reflection, I ask myself:
Where am I?
Because while I enjoy people, especially my circle, I have grown deeply fond of my alone time. Sometimes I wonder if, when left to my own devices, I would choose solitude over connection more often than I should.
And I see the other side as well. The full calendars. The constant hustle. The exhaustion that results from always being “on.”
I remember those days.
When I set myself on fire for everything and everyone.
Family. Career. Social obligations.
Never leaving space for my SELF.
I wore that identity with pride. Overachiever. People pleaser. Always there for others.
Now I catch myself wondering…
Have I gone too far in the other direction?
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This question becomes even more relevant when I consider partnership.
Because while I value my independence, I still long for a partner, if I’m honest.
Since becoming single, I’ve done the work. I’ve healed old wounds. I’ve built a life that reflects my values. I’ve taken long walks with God where I’ve untangled what wasn’t true and returned to what is.
I know who I am in a way I didn’t before.
And yet, I sometimes wonder...
Am I meant to have this kind of love?
This is vulnerable to admit.
But if I’ve had the thought, I have to believe I’m not the only one.
Did I miss it?
Did I choose wrong too many times?
Did I accept versions of love before I understood my own worth, and in doing so somehow disqualify myself?
It’s a quiet thought.
But it lingers.
And when I trace it back, I can see where it comes from.
I was shaped by environments where love was conditional, where approval could be earned or withheld based on my performance.
So, of course, part of me learned to believe that love works that way, that if I had done everything right, maybe I would have it by now.
And here in Act III of my life, I can honestly say I haven’t yet experienced the kind of love where I felt fully chosen, deeply loved, and protected.
But then truth arrives.
God chooses me.
God protects me.
God loves me.
And that truth interrupts everything I thought I knew.
So how do I hold both?
This human longing for connection…
and the spiritual truth that I am already loved?
Because I truly believe we are meant for connection.
From the very beginning, we weren't meant to navigate this life completely alone.
We are wired to be seen, known, and held in a way that reflects something sacred back to us.
And yet, our culture sends such mixed messages.
If you are single too long, something must be wrong with you.
If you desire partnership, you’re told not to need it too much or try too hard.
If you choose to be single, you must be avoiding something.
Somewhere in that noise, it's easy to question yourself and wonder if your longing is a flaw.
But I believe that longing reveals the truth. We all want to feel chosen and loved without conditions.

I was reading a blog post from my IFS coach about how choosing the right rooms attracts the right people into your life. To meet high-caliber people, you need to be in the rooms with those individuals. Makes sense, right?
And I caught myself thinking:
I don’t think I’m in the wrong room…
I’m not in any room.
My life has become quiet and grounded.
And perhaps that’s part of this feeling.
But I also wonder if this could be a room, too.
A sacred one.
A room where I have been learning to sit with myself, to understand who I am, and to become someone who no longer abandons herself just to be chosen.
A room where my life has become fulfilling in ways that aren’t always visible to others.
I don’t see this season as a punishment.
But I’m not going to rush to label it something neat and resolved either.
It is what it is. And if you know me, you know I dislike that phrase, but it works here.
It is…
A space where I am still becoming.
A space where I am learning to trust that I will not miss what is meant for me.
I believe God sees me.
I believe God knows the desires of my heart.
And I believe that love—real, steady, safe love—is not something I have disqualified myself from.
So for now, I will continue living my life.
I will keep showing up.
Maybe even step into a few new rooms when the time feels right.
But I will not shrink my longing.
And I will not turn it into a story of punishment.
I’m still here, Untucking…
And I trust that I will not be overlooked.

Prompt:
Where in your life have you learned that love must be earned or performed for, and how might you begin to let go of that pattern?
Peace be with you.
J~